I Realized I Was Lied To — And That’s Why I Was Struggling With Women

The Gent

— 2 min read

For most of my teenage years and early twenties, I struggled with women.

I wasn’t some reckless guy trying to sleep around. I actually wanted something real — a grounded, loving, good woman. But for a long time, I believed the only way to attract that kind of woman was to become someone I wasn’t.

Social media told me I had to be this ultra-alpha, emotionally distant, status-driven man. That I had to make crazy money, go hard at the gym, become cold and detached, and never show any weakness. That’s what I saw every day. That’s what I thought women wanted.

I didn’t have close friends or community around me to challenge those ideas. I was mostly closed off. My world was the internet. And in that bubble, the loudest voices were the toxic ones.

I Got Pulled In — Hard

It started with business gurus. I wanted to be free. I wanted to make my own money. That led me into the self-improvement space, which eventually morphed into the red pill rabbit hole.

I’d spend hours watching these guys:

  • Flexing cars and watches.
  • Talking about how women only want money and status.
  • Saying love is weakness.
  • That you have to be dominant or invisible.

I lived in that world for years. Looking back, it was a bubble. And it made me blind.

When Things Started to Change

The shift didn’t come from a podcast or a new YouTube channel. It came from real life.

I started paying attention to the men around me — men with strong, supportive women by their side. Husbands, fathers, brothers. Guys with normal lives, real careers, hobbies, families. They weren’t rich or famous. They weren’t shredded bodybuilders. But they had love. They had respect. They had peace.

And then I looked at the influencers. The red pill guys. The toxic ones.

Where were their wives? Their families? Their actual relationships?

They didn’t have them.

That’s when it hit me: I’ve been lied to. Everything I thought I needed to become was just a product they were trying to sell.

Cutting It All Off

I unfollowed every single “guru” I had been listening to.

My mind started to clear. My values came back online. I deleted social media altogether — and I genuinely think that was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I started spending more time offline. I made friends. I got into conversations that weren’t scripted or edited. I began living. And eventually, I met a good woman.

What I Learned From Real Love

Being in a real relationship with a grounded woman showed me what matters.

She didn’t care about how much money I had. She didn’t want a flashy car or a six-pack. She cared about:

  • Whether I was consistent.
  • Whether I followed through on my word.
  • Whether I supported her emotionally.
  • Whether I had direction, values, and character.

And that’s what most good women want. Not fantasy. Reality.

If You’re Struggling Too…

You’re not broken. You’re just surrounded by broken messages.

You’ve probably been absorbing ideas that are disconnected from how life and love actually work. And I get it — it’s hard to see clearly when you’re stuck inside the bubble.

But if anything in my story resonates with you, start here:

Reevaluate who you’re listening to. Ask yourself why you believe what you believe about women, relationships, and masculinity. And if the voices you're following don't reflect the kind of life you actually want — unfollow them.

You don’t need to become someone else to be loved.

You just need to become yourself — and live in the real world again.

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